On
your wedding day, two people will be getting
married. But what's the widespread message about
weddings?
"It's the Bride's day." "Princess for
the Day.", Bridal Party, a wedding
press where magazines and websites are centred on
the bride and focused on wedding dresses,
accessories, and wedding styling far outnumber those
directed at the groom. Bride-centric language
everywhere.
Despite everything we have (or should have) learned
from the way two-groom couples have reinvented the
traditional wedding so that both people getting
married have equal billing, where there is one bride
and one groom, it is the bride that is still firmly
in the spotlight for a large proportion of the
ceremony. The bride gets the starring role (and the
stress and pressure that comes with expectations of
looking perfect), and the groom doesn't. Even his
full title (bridegroom), means bride's man!
It's time we changed that! Here are some suggestions
that are not difficult, not expensive, and won't
leave your guests shaking their heads.
Have two processions -
or a combined one
In the traditional wedding ceremony all eyes are
on the bride, while the groom slips in from the
side to stand at the front. In celebrant-led
weddings we've got rid of the groom standing with
his back to the bride (and the guests and the
photographer) so most photographers will capture a
photo or two of the groom's expression. However,
there is no reason at all not to do change up the
processional to include the groom and his
attendants.
- Groom's processional
The groom and his attendants make a formal
entrance, walking down the aisle before the
bride and her attendants. Choose music that
reflects the groom's interests and
personality. When it is time for the bride's
entrance, switch to music that reflects her
interests and personality. It could be a
simple as having brass instruments for the
groom, strings for the bride, or you could go
all the way with Heavy Metal followed by
Country Pop (or vice versa!)
- Combined processional v.1
Groom's attendants and bride's attendants
walk down the aisle together, followed by the
groom, escorted by his parents and the bride,
escorted by her parents. A medley often works
well for the music.
- Combined processional v.2
Groom's attendants and bride's attendants walk
down the aisle together, followed by the bride
and groom, walking together. One tune for the
attendants, another for the couple. Perhaps
their "our song".
Who gives this man?
I am definitely
not a fan of
giving the bride away. Asking
Who gives this
woman to be married to this man, the
traditional words, is a patriarchal leftover from
the days when the bride, literally, was exchanged
for strategic or political or economic benefit to
the groom's family. Asking both sets of parents
for their blessing and support is a much better
way to go. It also gives the groom equal billing.
And PS, no-one is giving the away groom either
,
so avoid the weasel word versions such as
Who
brings this ..." or
"Who presents this
...."
The flowers
Traditionally, the groom pays for the bride's
bouquet, and wears a boutonniere (buttonhole) that
features one of the flowers in the bride's
bouquet. Why not turn that on its head? Have the
groom choose what he wants to wear as boutonniere
or pocket flowers, and then use that to inform the
choices and design of the bride's flowers. You'd
be surprised at how that opens up possibilities.
Your florist is your best friend on this one.
Bride-Centric weddings
and the budget
Pressure to achieve the perfect wedding is very
much about being seen to be the perfect bride
having the perfect day. Think about it. No-one
blinks an eye if the groom wears a hired suit on
the day. It is almost the norm. Shock, horror if
the bride wears a hired dress. And so it goes. One
of the reasons that two-groom weddings are so
fulfilling and so much fun is that ditching
traditional expectations of bridal perfection to
give both parties equal billing removes a lot of
the stress. Giving both equal billing also
encourages equal participation in planning the
wedding, makes the budget easier to control, and,
best of all, as a couple going into a marriage of
equals, makes sure your wedding ceremony aligns
with your values.
More information