Too Shy to Say Personal Vows? Or Not Allowed To?
/08
by Jennifer
Cram - Brisbane Marriage Celebrant © (09/04/2023)
Categories: | Vows | Wedding Ceremony |
Personal
vows can be a beautiful way to express your
love and commitment to your partner. But what if you're not comfortable with speaking in public or with sharing such intimate thoughts in front of an audience, or the type of ceremony you've chosen does not allow you to add anything to the approved vows?
If you're a shy couple looking to make personal promises I've got some tips for you. These tips apply equally to those not allowed to add personal promises to an approved ceremony.
The
Legal Requirement
Add
To make your marriage legal, the
requirement for a civil ceremony, where your
marriage is solemnised by a civil celebrant,
is that each of you has to make a statement as
required by the Marriage Act.I call upon the persons
here present to witness that I, (full
name), take thee, (full name), to be my
lawful wedded
wife/husband/spouse/partner-in-marriage.
The good news is that there is a more modern version you can use:
I ask everyone here to witness that I, (full name), take you, (full name), to be my lawful wedded wife/husband/spouse/partner-in-marriage.
Beyond that, you have freedom to make any
additional promises you like. The good news if
you're shy is that you don't have to. Your
marriage will be legal with or without
additional personal promises.The good news is that there is a more modern version you can use:
I ask everyone here to witness that I, (full name), take you, (full name), to be my lawful wedded wife/husband/spouse/partner-in-marriage.
If you are marrying in a registry office or courthouse where a standard ceremony is used, you may not be allowed to add personal vows.
If you're having a religious ceremony, you will be required to use the approved vows for your denomination. And you may or may not be allowed to make personal promises.
Some tips
about making personal
promises when you are
shy
Add
- Keep it short and sweet. You can still make personal promises without going into great detail. Try something like, I promise to love you, support you, and be your partner in all things.
- Read your promises. You'll be facing your partner, not the guests, so focus on them as you speak directly to them
- Work with your partner to write personal
promises you both agree on. That way you
won't be worried about whether your
partner will like what you are promising
- Practice, practice, practice. Rehearse your vows with your partner ahead of time so you feel more comfortable when the big day arrive
Too shy to
speak, or not allowed to make
personal promises?
Add
How do you work around knowing you won't be
comfortable speaking personal promises on the day or
you are marrying in a religious ceremony that does
not allow for personal promises? Don't give up on the idea! Here are some workable (and romantic) alternatives
- Deliver your personal promises to one another
while you are getting ready.
- Send handwritten card or letter they can read privately
- Send text message or email they can read on their phone and keep
- Share your promises in a personal phone call
- Schedule a First Look and read your personal promises to one another as part of it
- Schedule a First Touch, where you can hold hands but not actually see one another - stand on either side of a door, for example, or stand back to back, or round a corner where your photographer can capture both of you in photos but you can't see one another
- Allow a few minutes for each of you to read
the other's promises just before the ceremony
starts. Delegate delivery to people who will be
with you just before the ceremony starts. So,
for example, the best man or celebrant could
deliver the bride's vows to the groom while he
is waiting at the altar, and the chief
bridesmaid, chauffeur, or father of the bride
could deliver the groom's vows to the bride
before she makes her entrance. Adapt as
appropriate to the couple and the choreography.
Remember, your wedding day is about the two of you and your love for each other. Don't let nerves or expectations get in the way of expressing that love in a way that feels right for you. Whether or not you choose to share personal vows your commitment to each other is what really matters.
Thanks for reading!
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