5 Good Reasons to Propose
Before you Shop for an Engagement Ring
Categories: | Wedding Traditions |
Proposal
season is hotting up. Apparently about 40% of
proposals happen between Christmas and Valentine's
Day. Proposal stories, and ring photos are starting to
fill Social Media. So, if you've fallen in love (lucky
you), and have decided to pop the question, you might
be feeling the pressure, and particularly the pressure
to propose while holding out the perfect ring.
Actually, proposing with a ring you have chosen
without input from your best-beloved is a very new
"tradition", and like all traditions, not a law.
Previous generations believed that a bouquet of 108
red roses, in the language of flowers, meant "Will
you marry me". But before you order 108
red roses, think about how overwhelming the fragrance
of that many roses will be. Trust me, I know from
personal experience that the only way to cope is to
put them outside, particularly at night. You'll also
need a trolley to move them. Here are some very good reasons to propose before you shop for an engagement ring.
Proposing without an
engagement ring takes the pressure off you
hter
If you've never bought expensive jewellery before,
making such a significant jewellery purchase can be
stressful. When there is a whole lot to be aware of
about quality of gems, styles, types of settings, and
the characteristics of different precious metals, the
pressure is exponentially increased. If you add to all
of that that perhaps not being sure about what is good
value for money, let alone what you best beloved would
like or not like, or even if they would even want a
ring (some people don't), leaving the way open to go
ring shopping as a couple starts to feel like a very
good idea.Proposing with an engagement
ring can feel presumptuous
Proposing without an
engagement ring enhances spontaneity
"when you realize you want to
spend the rest of your life with somebody,
you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible"
you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible"
He certainly didn't put it off
until he'd had time to go shopping for a ring!
Many of my couples have told me stories about
significant delays caused by not having a ring, or
not having the ring with them when the ideal
"spontaneous" moment presented itself.
Proposing with a ring
could make your intended feel obliged to say yes
If you've followed the De Beers formula and
dropped 3 months salary on the ring, your best
beloved could feel obliged to say yes to being
engaged even if they are not quite ready to take
that step.
Proposing without an
engagement ring sends a strong signal about
equal partnership
I'm a strong believer in the importance of
negotiation in relationships. Proposing without a
ring leaves the way open for the two of you to
talk openly and frankly about finances in general,
what might be affordable for a ring in particular,
together with preferences for ring style, stone,
and size. Shopping together for rings, whether
engagement or wedding, is a very romantic thing to
do, and can be great fun.
Alternatives to
proposing with an engagement ring
You don't actually have to propose with anything.
In Victorian times it became usual to present a
bunch of flowers, chosen for their symbolic
meanings, and to go down on one knee (or not) but
it wasn't until relatively recently that, instead
of taking your intended by the hand, proposal
propaganda started to include a Ta-Da moment of
opening a ring box to display a ring, all prompted
by the diamond industry, particularly De Beers, as
a logical progression to their A Diamond is
Forever advertising campaign. A campaign, I
might add, which was aimed as selling more
diamonds, and which got everyone believing that
the "correct" amount of money was a month's
salary, which then got upped to 2 month's salary,
and is now 3 month's salary.
However, if you'd really like to have something in your hand when you pop the question, try one of these:
More thoughts about
proposing
Proposing with a ring
could make your intended feel obliged to say yes
Proposing without an
engagement ring sends a strong signal about
equal partnership
Alternatives to
proposing with an engagement ring
However, if you'd really like to have something in your hand when you pop the question, try one of these:
- A fun plastic ring, as found in Christmas crackers or some of those arcade games. If you want to get really cheesy, attach it to a DVD of Breakfast at Tiffany's in acknowledgement of the Cracker Jack ring
- A Notice of Intended Marriage (click
here to download one). You might like to
at least partially fill it in. Good to know -
the clock doesn't start ticking on the Notice
until you have both signed it in front of a
qualified witness and given it to your
celebrant. From that point it is valid for 18
months.
- A copy of Happily Ever Before and After, the glossy government pamphlet about getting married that every celebrant is required to give everyone getting married. You can download a copy here or ask me for a printed one
- A pair of wedding rings, one for each of you
- either the real deal or fun versions. In
some European countries the couple purchases
their wedding rings when they become engaged,
wearing them on their left hands until the
wedding, at which the rings are swapped to
their right hands. If you did that following
Australian custom, you'd wear them on the
right hand until the wedding day.
- A relevant childr
en's picture
book, such as Guess How Much Do I Love
You? by Sam McBratney - A handmade scrapbook with photos and other paper mementos chronicling your relationship, with your proposal question on the last page
- Something Blue that they can wear or carry
on your wedding day, it can be as simple as a
tiny blue bow that can be sewn into the hem or
seam of a dress, vest, or suit jacket.
- A wedding cake topper, just don't pick one
that includes a surname - changing names is
another decision that should be well and truly
discussed beforehand.
- A DVD of music that could be played at your wedding. They still exist!
- An origami flower made of paper on which you
have printed "Will you marry me, [NAME]".
- Proposal Wine. Some wineries have the facility to create a label that is an adaptation of the label for one of their wines. Otherwise, buy a cleanskin bottle and either source a label (Etsy is a good place to start) or design your own.
More thoughts about
proposing
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