Declutter your Vows: 3 Vows are
Better than One!
Cram - Brisbane Marriage Celebrant
| Vows | Wedding Ceremony
you are struggling to write your personal wedding vows
there is a solution. And it is a simple one. It is
easier to write three different vows than to write
OK so that sounds crazy. But it is true.
The hardest thing to get your head around when you are
writing your vows is that you are going to be both the
writer (who wants to put things in) and the editor
(who knows the value of taking things out). Great vows
are distilled down to the essence of your commitment.
To explain that, let's look at the traditional vows
to have and to hold
this day forward,
better, for worse,
richer, for poorer,
sickness and in health,
and to cherish,
death do us part
It not only covers every circumstance of life, but
remove even one word and it is diminished.
Of course, it is not personal. Which is why the
majority of couples marrying in a civil ceremony
decide to write their own personal vows, or at least
have input into them with celebrant help to achieve
the final product.
So why would I suggest that you write three different
vows? For the simple reason, as we know from everyday
life, it is easier to put something somewhere else
than to throw it away completely. So let's look at
decluttering your wedding day vows.
Why Three Vows?
One vow (or set of vows) for your wedding day. We
all get that. So what are the other two for?
One for the wedding, one for the rehearsal and one
for the honeymoon!
I'm hearing pennies drop.
Your wedding day vows
On your wedding day, your vows need to be succinct,
heartfelt, and G rated. They need to have some
gravitas to reflect the seriousness of the promises
you are making, and the solemnity of the moment when
you commit your lives to one another, commit to
treating one another with respect and love, and take
that final step that changes your legal status for
ever more. It is not the time to be going for
the cheap laugh.
So what do you do with all of those great phrases
that have flowed so easily onto the paper? You
relocate them. At which point you will see that
removing them hasn't diminished what you are
promising. In fact it has more than likely made
those promises more powerful. Distillation increases
Your rehearsal vows
A wedding rehearsal isn't like the dress rehearsal
of a play. The full script isn't spoken. Mostly, a
rehearsal is about the choreography.
- How people enter, leave, and move about the
ceremony space during the ceremony
- How and when anyone hands something to someone
- Who presents your rings
- When you hand over your bouquet, and who to
- How a ritual unfolds
- When you turn to face one another and join
The choreography of your exchange of vows and
rings is practiced. But for both legal reasons and
in the interest of keeping your vows a surprise to
your wedding party and the guests, you won't be
saying your wedding day vows at your wedding
rehearsal. When my couple is going to be saying
their vows by repeating after me, I get them to
practice that at the rehearsal, and I change up
the words for light relief. There is no reason why
you can't create and use your own wedding
rehearsal vows - especially if you are going to be
reading your vows. Silliness is perfect. It
lightens the mood at your rehearsal, and helps
people relax and laugh. All of which makes the
coming wedding day feel less daunting.
Your honeymoon vows
Neither your wedding day nor your rehearsal are
appropriate places to share bedroom secrets or
risqué remarks. Parents and grandparents will be
present! But the saucier the better for honeymoon
vows. Honeymoon vows are also the perfect place for
in-jokes between you.
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Thanks for reading!