wisdom is that children in the wedding party wear
party clothes which are essentially mini-versions of
wedding specific attire worn by the adults. So
page-boys and ring-bearers (why are they always boys?)
wear little suits, or formal shirts, trousers, and
vests, and flower girls wear long dresses with sashes,
or, increasingly, tulle skirts a la ballet tutus. Boys
wear ties and girls wear flower wreaths on their
And, as I tell all my brides and grooms, it is not a
coronation. It doesn't have to be planned to the last
There is room for spontaneity, for the unexpected, and
for everyone, bride, groom, bridal party, and guests,
to just be natural and themselves.
Case in point. This last weekend I officiated an
outdoor wedding under a gorgeously twisted old tree.
The bride and groom had planned a low-key wedding with
no bridal party. But the bride's 4 year old niece
desperately wanted to be a flower girl and walk down
the aisle. But she also didn't want to wear a flower
girl dress. On the day, dressed in her favourite mix
of clothes (she dressed herself), carrying a bunch of
flowers, and wearing her beloved pink backpack, she
confidently strutted down the aisle, with a grin from
ear to ear. No tears, no fears, no
resistance. It was a wonderful opener for a
love-filled family occasion.
Take-home message? If you focus on the feel, rather
than the look, if you ensure that any children
included in your wedding are relaxed, happy, and that
their wishes and needs are respected, you won't have
any awkward moments with children baulking at carrying
out their designated roles, no tears, and no tantrums.
Just natural, joyful behaviour and lots of smiles from