Pared down weddings mean that couples are more relaxed about being in the limelight. It also means that they are looking at unique and unusual ways to put their on stamp on the ceremony, particularly on the vows, as the central focus of the ceremony in the absence of large numbers of guests and other factors. So I wasn't surprised when I was asked whether a couple could sing their vows. But ask a dozen celebrants that question and you are likely to get a dozen different variations on either Yes or No.

Here is my take on this Wilder Thought question:

Vows consist of two totally separate and different parts

In Australia, to be married, saying I Do is not enough. You are each required to make a statement, out loud, that creates the contract of marriage between you. This statement goes

What does the Marriage Act say?

The Marriage Act, 1961 in Section 45, paragraph (2) reads:

Where a marriage is solemnised by or in the presence of an authorised celebrant, not being a minister of religion, it is sufficient if each of the parties says to the other, in the presence of the authorised celebrant and the witnesses, the words [the legal statement written in my previous paragraph above]

You will note the use of the word says.

What does says mean?

The Oxford English Dictionary defines the word say  like this:

To utter, speak; to express in words, declare; to make known, tell

Put that in the context of the Marriage Act, and what we are being told is that, for a marriage to be legal, the mandated words must be uttered/vocalised by each of you in the presence, and hearing, of your celebrant and your witnesses. It says nothing about how loud, how soft, how fast, how slow, how high, how low, etc

So can you sing your legal vows?

As long as each of you gives a solo performance of those legal words, and you don't add any Fa-La-La insertions or repeats of words or phrases, it's a YES.

The legal vows work in 3/4 time (waltz). You can sing a capella or have a soft music accompaniment

A very good reason to sing your vows

While, to some people, singing your vows might seem like showing off, there is actually a very good reason to sing your vows, all related to physiology

• when we sing we move our lips, tongue, and vocal chords differently from the way we do when we talk
• the language and communication centres of our brains function differently when we are singing compared to when we are talking. When you sing, you are no longer using the left side of your brain.
  

Add to that, when we sing we are much more conscious of regulating our breathing, which helps too.

So, if you are inclined to stutter when nervous, overwhelmed, or searching for words, sing your vows, or at the very least, read them.  Reading your vows works too, because the words are there in front of you.

What about your personal promises?

There are no rules. So you can

• Speak your personal promises
  
• Sing your personal promises
• Whisper them into one another's ear
  
• Hand them to one another without sharing them with anyone
• Convey them by means of charades
• Show them to one another on flash cards
  
• Express them in interpretative dance
• And any other wild thought you can think of.

And you don't have to do any one of the above individually, one after the other, as you must for the legal vows. So, if you wish to express your vows in unison, in a duet, or as a conversation or question and answer session, go for it.

I'll be delighted!

Thanks for reading.