
Pared
down weddings mean that couples are more relaxed
about being in the limelight. It also means that
they are looking at unique and unusual ways to put
their on stamp on the ceremony, particularly on the
vows, as the central focus of the ceremony in the
absence of large numbers of guests and other
factors. So I wasn't surprised when I was asked
whether a couple could sing their vows. But ask a
dozen celebrants that question and you are likely to
get a dozen different variations on either Yes or
No.
Here is my take on this Wilder Thought question:
Vows consist of two
totally separate and different parts
In Australia, to be married, saying
I Do is
not enough. You are each required to make a
statement, out loud, that creates the contract of
marriage between you. This statement goes
I ask everyone here (or I
call upon the persons here present) to
witness that I [Full Name] take you
[Full Name] to be my lawful wedded [insert
your chosen term from one of the approved
terms]
* The approved terms are
husband, wife, spouse, or partner in marriage.
Anything else you add are personal promises. You
don't have to make promises, but if you choose
to do so nothing in those promises should put
conditions on the marriage.
What does the Marriage Act
say?
The Marriage Act, 1961 in Section 45, paragraph (2)
reads:
Where a marriage is solemnised by or
in the presence of an authorised celebrant, not
being a minister of religion, it is sufficient
if each of the parties says to the
other, in the presence of the authorised
celebrant and the witnesses, the words [the
legal statement written in my previous paragraph
above]
You will note the use of the word
says.
What does says
mean?
The Oxford English Dictionary
defines the word say like this:
To utter,
speak; to express in words, declare; to make
known, tell
Put that in the context of the
Marriage Act, and what we are being told is
that, for a marriage to be legal, the mandated
words must be uttered/vocalised by each of you
in the presence, and hearing, of your celebrant
and your witnesses. It says nothing about how
loud, how soft, how fast, how slow, how high,
how low, etc
So can you sing your legal
vows?
As long as each of you gives a solo performance of
those legal words, and you don't add any
Fa-La-La insertions
or repeats of words or phrases, it's a
YES.
What about your personal
promises?
There are no rules. So you can
- Speak your personal promises
- Sing your personal promises
- Whisper them into one another's ear
- Hand them to one another without sharing them
with anyone
- Convey them by means of charades
- Show them to one another on flash cards
- Express them in interpretative dance
- And any other wild thought you can think of.
And you don't have to do any one of the above
individually, one after the other, as you must for
the legal vows. So, if you wish to express your
vows in unison, in a duet, or as a conversation or
question and answer session, go for it.
I'll be delighted!
Thanks for reading.