Avoid the #1 Wedding Embarrassment
(15/08/2016) | Categories:
Wedding Ceremony | Wedding Planning |
While public speaking or being the centre
of attention are the most common wedding fears, failing
at either is by no means the most feared wedding
embarrassment. The most feared wedding embarrassment is
something everyone does, around 14 times a day, but
nobody wants to do it in public, let alone at their
wedding. It is normal, it is natural, it is the subject
of jokes, of funniest home videos ...There is even an
"As welcome as...." saying about it, specifically "As
welcome as a fart in a wedding dress".
The good news is that you can minimise your risk of
One of the things I do at formal wedding rehearsals is
give the bridal party what I call the farting and
fainting talk. I'll talk about fainting in another post.
Three things increase the build up of gas in the gut
- Swallowing air
- Foods that ferment
Ensuring that you are confident with your celebrant,
comfortable with the content of the ceremony,
well-rehearsed, and relaxed about anything that doesn't
go quite to plan will damp down stress. So do the
prep and then focus on the fact that at the end of the
day you will be married to the love of your life and
will get to party with family and friends.
It is almost a tradition that the bride and bridesmaids
sip champagne while getting ready. It is no accident
that we all refer to it as bubbles. Drinking any
carbonated beverage will have you swallowing air. So
whether it is sparkling wine or sparkling mineral water
(or for that matter beer, or a soft drink with spirits)
the result is going to be the same. Better to stick with
still beverages, or to limit your intake and sip slowly.
Other things that will have you swallowing air are
Foods that ferment
- drinking through a straw
- talking while eating
- chewing gum
We all know the jokes about baked beans, but they are by
no means the only culprits. Commonly implicated foods
are high in roughage and therefore slowly digested.
These foods ferment in your gut. They include cabbage,
broccoli, onions and a wide range of grains. Even for
people who are not gluten intolerant, large servings of
high-gluten foods can cause trouble. And for some people
lactose in milk products can be implicated.
Another complication is that time lag between eating one
of foods and being embarrassed differs depending on how
fast, or slow, your metabolism is.
Where the difficulty arises is that each of us has an
individual level of tolerance, and, as result, there
isn't a single solution that fits everyone.
However, a simple plan of action will cover all bases:
What if the worst happens?
- Start ASAP to identify your personal
- Experiment with serving sizes - with some foods a
small serving might cause no trouble but with a
large one all hell breaks loose
- As a precaution, eliminate all troublemakers from
your diet for at least 48 hours before your wedding,
- As a fail safe, have an over the counter
gas-control product handy.
You're all dressed up, the ceremony is underway, all
eyes are on you, you are miked up for the videos, and
you realise that the worst embarrassment is about to
become a reality.
Do not clench you butt-cheeks! It just makes the sound
louder. Instead relax, if you can move your feet a
little apart, and with any luck your embarrassment will
be silent, and fragrance free.