How to Avoid the #1 Wedding Embarrassment

by Jennifer Cram (15/08/2016) | Categories: | Wedding Ceremony | Wedding Planning |
Baked BeansWhile public speaking or being the centre of attention are the most common wedding fears, failing at either is by no means the most feared wedding embarrassment. The most feared wedding embarrassment is something everyone does, around 14 times a day, but nobody wants to do it in public, let alone at their wedding. It is normal, it is natural, it is the subject of jokes, of funniest home videos ...There is even an "As welcome as...." saying about it, specifically "As welcome as a fart in a wedding dress".

The good news is that you can minimise your risk of being embarrassed.

One of the things I do at formal wedding rehearsals is give the bridal party what I call the farting and fainting talk. I'll talk about fainting in another post.

Three things increase the build up of gas in the gut
  • Stress
  • Swallowing air
  • Foods that ferment
Ensuring that you are confident with your celebrant, comfortable with the content of the ceremony, well-rehearsed, and relaxed about anything that doesn't go quite to plan will damp down stress.  So do the prep and then focus on the fact that at the end of the day you will be married to the love of your life and will get to party with family and friends.

Swallowing Air
It is almost a tradition that the bride and bridesmaids sip champagne while getting ready. It is no accident that we all refer to it as bubbles. Drinking any carbonated beverage will have you swallowing air. So whether it is sparkling wine or sparkling mineral water (or for that matter beer, or a soft drink with spirits) the result is going to be the same. Better to stick with still beverages, or to limit your intake and sip slowly.

Other things that will have you swallowing air are
  • drinking through a straw
  • talking while eating
  • chewing gum
Foods that ferment
We all know the jokes about baked beans, but they are by no means the only culprits. Commonly implicated foods are high in roughage and therefore slowly digested. These foods ferment in your gut. They include cabbage, broccoli, onions and a wide range of grains. Even for people who are not gluten intolerant, large servings of high-gluten foods can cause trouble. And for some people lactose in milk products can be implicated.

Another complication is that time lag between eating one of foods and being embarrassed differs depending on how fast, or slow, your metabolism is.
Where the difficulty arises is that each of us has an individual level of tolerance, and, as result, there isn't a single solution that fits everyone.

However, a simple plan of action will cover all bases:
  1. Start ASAP to identify your personal troublemakers.
  2. Experiment with serving sizes - with some foods a small serving might cause no trouble but with a large one all hell breaks loose
  3. As a precaution, eliminate all troublemakers from your diet for at least 48 hours before your wedding, and
  4. As a fail safe, have an over the counter gas-control product handy.
What if the worst happens?
You're all dressed up, the ceremony is underway, all eyes are on you, you are miked up for the videos, and you realise that the worst embarrassment is about to become a reality.

Do not clench you butt-cheeks! It just makes the sound louder. Instead relax, if you can move your feet a little apart, and with any luck your embarrassment will be silent, and fragrance free.

Jenny xxx Let's talk soon about how you can
                  have the best ceremony ever