Is it OK for a guest to wear
white to a wedding?
This
by Jennifer
Cram (16/02/2019) | Categories: |
Wedding Traditions |
The "never wear white to a
wedding" rule is one of those hard and fast
rules of etiquette that pretty well everyone
has accepted for a very, very long time.
Etiquette rules are shorthand, more concrete
ways of conveying an abstract principle
designed to make sure that no-one is
embarrassed in a social situation.
The "never wear white to a wedding" rule is therefore a shorthand and concrete way of conveying to guests an important principle - Never upstage the bride! Underlying this rule are two assumptions that worked well in the 19th Century but which don't necessarily hold true for every wedding in the 21st.
The "never wear white to a wedding" rule is therefore a shorthand and concrete way of conveying to guests an important principle - Never upstage the bride! Underlying this rule are two assumptions that worked well in the 19th Century but which don't necessarily hold true for every wedding in the 21st.
- That there will be a bride (whereas we now know that there could be no bride, or there could be two brides!)
- That the bride will wear white (or cream, or ivory, or latte, or something in a fairly broad colour range for which white is the lazy description.
Is it ever permissible to
wear white if you're not the bride? Yes it is. But you'd better
make sure that one of the following
circumstances apply (and you've been given
permission and a heads-up beforehand)
- The bride (or neither of the brides or neither of the grooms) is not going to wear white. Mostly, you won't know that for sure, so this might be a risky justfication.
- The wedding party
(bridesmaids/groomsmen) are also not going
to be wearing white
- The couple has asked the guests to wear white. That does happen on occasion, particularly if the wedding is going to be outdoors in a tropical or sub-tropical location. But it is more likely that any specific dress request will involve another colour, or a combination, such as black and white
- There are religious or cultural reasons for wearing white as a guest. Something you'll either know for sure, or will have been given the heads-up about by the couple themselves.
If none of the above apply,
and you have a white/cream/ivory dress that
you are dying to wear, what can you do about
it? The obvious solution is to add coloured
accessories.
But in a fashion climate
where more and more brides are accessorising
their wedding gowns with black or coloured
shoes, this can be a risky path to take. It
has to be more than shoes, and whatever you
accessorise with should be something that you
continue to wear for the reception as well.
While brightly coloured shoes
and a brightly coloured wrap, jacket, hat, or
fascinator might feel like enough when you're
standing in front of a mirror, if everything
except the shoes come off for the reception,
you're back to wearing white again!
And a last thought. Depending
on the denomination and the liturgical
calendar, clergy may wear white. Everyone
accepts that and it is a whole different (and
irrelevant) situation. As a celebrant
would I ever wear white to
officiate a wedding?
Simple answer, no. Unless of course, I'm
specifically asked to do so. And that has
happened for a previous wedding where I
conducted a short civil ceremony at the end of
the traditional Zorastrian ceremony. Wearing
white was the culturally correct thing to do.
Both bride and groom wore white together with
very large garlands of red roses. I will also
be wearing white at an upcoming wedding where
the marrying couple are both wearing the same
colour, and it is not white, and they have
specifically asked me to wear white instead of
my usual "blend in with the groomsmen" black,
dark grey, or navy.
Are there any
other colours guests should avoid?
Related posts
Are there any
other colours guests should avoid?
out for
There tend to be more
cultural sensitivities around what female guests
wear to a weddings. Different cultures, different
sensitivities. Best to ask!Related posts
out
Thanks for reading! p