Handfasting vs Handtying
vs Tying the Knot
by
Jennifer
Cram - Brisbane Marriage Celebrant ©
(17/01/2022)
Categories: | Wedding Ceremony
| Wedding Rituals |

When it comes to weddings, is there a
difference between a
handfasting and a
handtying?
I believe
there is. But it is not what you think it is!
Should celebrants labelling a handfasting ritual used
within a marriage ceremony be calling it a
handtying?
Should we be reserving
handfasting for the
full-on pagan ceremony?
While that's a matter for quite lively discussion in
UK celebrant circles, historically, there are no
grounds for such a dichotomy, or for suggesting that
referring to the ritual within a civil marriage
ceremony (or non-legal wedding) as a
handfasting
is somehow wrong! Indeed, the Oxford English
Dictionary defines
Handfast as "
To make a
contract of marriage between (parties) by joining of
hands."
I've been including handfasting rituals in civil
ceremonies for over 15 years and have also carried out
full handfasting ceremonies, so here is my take on the
handfasting/handtying controversy.
Handfasting
While it is often assumed that Handfasting has origins
in ancient, pre-Christian times, there is little
concrete evidence of this. The term
Handfasting
is commonly used to describe a ceremony of union that
may fall anywhere on the continuum of full-blown pagan
ceremony that may or may not also satisfy the
requirements for a legal marriage, to a symbolic
ritual that is performed as part of a civil legal
marriage ceremony.
A non-spiritual Handfasting ritual as we know it today
has its origins in what was legally
Marriage by
Consent, (where all that was required for a
legal marriage was that the couple declared their
intention to live together as husband and wife in
front of witnesses) was legally recognised in
most of Europe until the early 16th century (the
Reformation). In Scotland, however, such
'írregular' marriages continued to be legally
recognised right up until the Marriage (Scotland) Act
of 1939. Before 1939 Handfastings which took place
instead of a church wedding were legally recognised as
weddings resulting in marriage. Even after 1939
marriage 'by cohabitation with habit and repute' was
legally recognised until 2006.
In Australia, technically, you, the marrying couple
marries yourselves by making a verbal declaration in
front of witnesses. Once you have done that, you are
legally married. Of course, there are other legal
prerequisites, including paperwork, and the presence
of an authorised celebrant, but the actual moment of
marrying is carried out by the couple themselves.
Pagan handfasting vs
handfasting ritual
While we have no written record of how handfastings
were carried out in earlier time, the modern neo-pagan
ceremony includes a number of other ritual elements,
including casting of a circle (or 3 circles - it
differs between various pagan traditions), calling of
the directions etc.
Civil weddings "in the round", work really , both for
guests and the photographer, when you have a small
number of guests and when the wedding party, including
the celebrant, are part of the circle rather than in
the middle of it.
The pagan inclusions of the elements of earth, air,
fire and water are actually included in both church
ceremonies and secular civil weddings already.
- Earth represented by gifts (and in church
by the collection plate/offerings)
- Air represented by the vows (and in church by
incense)
- Fire represented by candles, including
the very popular Unity
Candle
- Water represented by various Wine Ceremonies
and/or the sharing of wine or other beverage
They sit comfortably within a handfasting ritual in a
civil marriage ceremony
Handtying
Handfasting
is a term that immediately alerts us to three things
- it is a couple thing in which two people's hands
are joined together
- it is a visual expression of a commitment to an
ongoing relationship between the couple
- it is an active action and a willing choice
Handtying, by contrast, is an ambiguous term that
needs explanation and context to be understood!
There are many negative connotations - such as "my
hands are tied", most of which imply that the person
is a victim.
Tying the knot
Knots and weddings go together. Many cultures include
symbolic tying of a knot or knots of some sort in a
wedding ceremony. The couple's garments may be tied
together, cloth or string may be draped across or
around the couple. Threads may be tied on their
individual wrists.
While handfasting is often explained as the origin of
the term "tying the knot" meaning to get married,
tying the knot as a ritual within a ceremony usually
involves the couple tying a knot in one piece of rope,
or tying two pieces of rope/cord together, without
their hands being tied together. There are numbers of
ways to incorporate knot-tying as a ritual in a
marriage ceremony. All of them lovely, all of them
actively involving the couple, all of them photogenic.
Does it really matter?
If there was one locked down, rusted on, authorised
way to carry out a ritual involving a couple and a
length of cord or ribbon or rope, it possibly would
matter. But there isn't. There are some versions
around that are repeated again and again because they
are easily available on the internet. But for me, the
beauty of including a handfasting ritual is that I can
work with you to create it afresh, to craft words that
reflect what it means to you. The colours you choose,
what those colours mean, who will wrap the cord/ribbon
round your joined hands, who will do the tying, all
open up infinite possibilities. I always call it a
handfasting
if joined hands are involved.
Tying the knot
if it is a team task. That's me. What you choose to
call it, is up to you. I'm cool with that.