When (soppily) romantic
isn't your thing
Categories: | Wedding Ceremony
Many
of my couples tell me that they are down-to-earth
people who don't do soppy. And that they initially
decided to have a Registry Office Ceremony because
they were under the impression that a celebrant-led
marriage ceremony, by definition, had to be "romantic"
while the Registry Office ceremony it was the
least "romantic" ceremony they could think of. I don't know where the idea that a personal ceremony officiated by a marriage celebrant by definition has to be "romantic" came from. Perhaps because there is an assumption that the ceremony will always include mushy readings that wouldn't be out of place on a Valentine's Day Card. Whatever. Be that as it may, it is just not true.
So if, like many couples, you don't do soppy, don't feel comfortable with mushy, with lovey-dovey poetry or extravagant vows, I get you. And most of all, I get that a ceremony doesn't have to be dripping with sentimentality to be meaningful, and special, and a real reflection of the commitment the two of you have to one another and to your marriage.
Can you be romantic
without being "romantic"?
Chapman categorised five ways of expressing love, all of which can be reflected in your wedding
- receiving gifts (wedding rings in the
ceremony for example, but we can mention things
that you have gifted one another with, and what
those gifts mean to you)
- quality time (time spent preparing for
your wedding together, for example, and
definitely, the half hour or so of the ceremony
can, and should be, quality time spent together)
- words of affirmation (these do not have
to be "romantic", they can be statements of what
you value about one another)
- acts of service (things you do to care for and help one another - we certainly can mention these)
- physical touch (holding hands, hugging, even kissing if you wish, are all part of a wedding.
In the process of designing and developing your
ceremony, we will work through what you want for
it, and focus on making sure the ceremony feels
right for you. And what that means is that you
don't have to have a "romantic" ceremony.
Down-to-earth is good!
Does your celebrant have
to use sentimental and "romantic" words?
out
Absolutely not! Actually, many of the
so-called romantic things said in wedding
ceremonies are tired and overused clichés . There
is, in fact, something very powerful in
straight-forward language.Do our vows have to be
"romantic"
To legally marry in Australia, each of you has to make a very simple statement.
I ask everyone here (or I
call upon the persons here present) to witness
that I, [Name], take you, [Name],
to be my lawful wedded husband (or) wife
(or) spouse (or) partner-in-marriage.
One of my couples couched
their personal promises as Key Performance
Indicators, which they recited in unison,
starting "We commit to the following KPI's".
It was so them. Everyone got it. And it was
magic, without being in the least bit soppy.
Another of my couples - a really quirky pair with a shared and wicked sense of humour - wrote vows as their 8 year old selves. Again they were powerful, honest, real, and a lot of fun.
Another of my couples - a really quirky pair with a shared and wicked sense of humour - wrote vows as their 8 year old selves. Again they were powerful, honest, real, and a lot of fun.
What about "romantic"
readings?
And lastly, what about
"romantic" music?
Do you even have to have
a ceremony?
- a statement made by your celebrant
- the legal vows
So, if soppily romantic is not your thing, you can have the full white wedding experience without the mush, or get Married in a Minute with love, laughter, and laidback vibes. And some before and after paperwork, of course.
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